Perfection Doesn't Exist (and how social media conditioned us to chase the same ideals).

Everyone has their own vision of their ideal self.

At least, that’s what we tell ourselves.

But no matter who we are, no matter which group we belong to, no matter how unique we think we are, we’ve all been conditioned to chase the same thing.

An extroverted, beautiful, individualistic, optimistic, hard-working, socially aware yet high-self-esteeming global citizen with entrepreneurial guile and a selfie camera.

That’s the modern ideal.

And it’s making everyone miserable.

Social media keeps raising the bar.

Every year, the standard gets higher.

The successful become more successful.

The gap between where you are and where you think you should be gets wider.

Social media laid the foundation for what success is supposed to look like:

• The perfect body.

• The perfect career.

• The perfect spouse.

• The unending luxurious travels and holidays.

• The brand deals.

And if you haven’t ticked every box, you’re failing.

That’s the message.

Not spoken directly.

But felt constantly.

The new standard of self-worth is not who you are. It’s how your life looks to everyone else.

Nobody is winning this game.

Perfectionism is growing.

Narcissism is rising.

Depression and anxiety are at new heights.

Even Google Trends shows a massive rise in searches for terms like “meaning” and “depression.”

And it’s no coincidence that this aligns directly with the rise in social media consumption.

The miracle of human innovation has propelled us into an era of unprecedented progress.

But we moved so fast that the biological and spiritual essence of the self got left behind.

Stranded in a sea of outdated instincts without any means of navigating through.

People are struggling to find ways to demonstrate that they matter.

That they have value.

And social media handed everyone an addictive scoreboard designed to steal our attention and morph our values from the start.

We’re all throwing stones at each other.

The messages communicated in advertisements and social media are essentially socialising us to believe that we’re not perfect.

And that it’s someone else’s fault.

So we throw stones.

We are obsessed with our individual status.

We fight to improve the social standing of our own group.

We make enemies of the people who would be more important to communicate and share ideas with.

We view society as a ladder to climb to be higher than everyone else.

But we shouldn’t be climbing a ladder.

We should be running on a flat surface.

Focusing on being a step further than where we were yesterday.

Not comparing ourselves to where someone else is today.

Both genders face unique social pressures.

Men measure themselves against a traditional masculine ideal that society now rejects.

If they fail to meet it, they experience shame.

If they embrace it, they’re told it’s oppressive.

They’re caught between two versions of themselves that can’t coexist.

Women face a different but equally damaging pressure.

Only 61% of young women in the UK report feeling content with their bodies.

An equivalent number of 11 to 21-year-olds feel they must attain a state of perfection.

Social media has been associated with a 30% increase in eating disorders and body dysmorphia in both the US and the UK.

The pressures are different. But the trap is the same.

Both are chasing an ideal that was manufactured for them.

Neither was asked if they wanted it.

The ideal is the problem.

Instead of attacking the beliefs and positioning of the people around us, it is significantly more important that we take a deeper look at the societal pressures and technologies that are causing the division in the first place.

The ideal we were sold doesn’t exist.

It never did.

It was designed to keep us consuming, comparing, and coming back for more.

The moment you recognise that, your life changes.

You stop climbing the ladder.

You stop comparing.

And you start asking a much better question.

If the ideal I was sold isn’t real, then who do I actually want to be?

- Mike